Published September 15, 2024 at 2:26 PM

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If you consider yourself a devout Christian, you may find it extremely difficult to date. As Paul prophesied, there has been a falling away from the faith (2 Thessalonians 3), as people have moved away from Christianity and toward being agnostic or “spiritual”. Too many believers have heeded deceiving spirits and doctrines of demons (1 Timothy 4:1). Others have become lawless and/or lukewarm Christians who don’t read the Bible and don’t apply it to their lives. They may go to church on Sunday, but they are not doers of the word (James 1:22).

Unfortunately, the current state of Christian dating has caused some to settle for being unequally yoked. However, I am here to warn you that this is a bad idea. For those who desire to be in a God-centered relationship, settling for something less will often leave you broken, hurt, and wishing you stayed single.

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What Does It Mean To Be Unequally Yoked

The concept of being unequally yoked comes from Paul in 2 Corinthians 6:14-15, which says:

“Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?” (2 Corinthians 6:14-15 NKJV)

In the context of a relationship, this means not entering into a relationship with someone who practices lawlessness. If you are a Christian, you have no business dating (or marrying) someone who isn’t a believer. The exception to this is that if you were married to them already, and then you convert to Christianity, you should not divorce them because they are not a Christian. Instead, you should minister to them and pray for them to turn to Jesus (1 Corinthians 7:12-14).

Shifting focus, not being unequally yoked means not settling for anything less than a God-centered relationship. Often times, people find someone who isn’t a Christian, but is kind and treats them well. They then enter into the relationship because they are a “good” or “nice” person, and this person ends up leading them away from God and into sin.

For those who try to stay strong in their faith, despite their partner’s lack of faith: You are the epitome of being unequally yoked.

The term being unequally yoked comes from yoking a strong ox (a devout Christian) with a weak ox (your unbelieving partner) and having them walk together to do work (be in a relationship). Because one is stronger, and the other is weaker, the animals end up endlessly going in circles, instead of getting anything done. In the same way, an unequally yoked relationship is one that goes in circles and gets nothing done. Instead of working together, they are at odds with each other (this applies to the ox and the relationship).

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You Can Be Unequally Yoked To A Fellow Christian

Moreover, the philosophy of not dating non-Christians isn’t enough to solve the issue of being unequally yoked. The often-overlooked truth is that it is possible to be unequally yoked to a fellow Christian. In fact, I would argue that most unequally yoked relationships are between two people who consider themselves “Christians”.

One Christian is more devout, whereas the other person is a Christian in name only. This is why it is important to know people by their fruit, and not by the label they identify themselves with. Below are some common “red flags” to look out for:

• They can’t tell you the last time they read the Bible
• They can’t tell you the last time they prayed
• They don’t believe in dating to marry
• They don’t believe in saving sex for marriage
• Their social media page (what they post and who they follow) is full of inappropriate content
• They are not willing to commit to you
• You wouldn’t be able to tell that they were a Christian if they didn’t tell you (they live like the world)

This is not an exhaustive list, but are common signs that you might be entering into an unequally yoked relationship. Additionally, two devout Christians can end up in a bad relationship because of some of the reasons on this list. This is why you should carry everything to God in prayer, and seek His guidance concerning relationship advice. And while this may sound cheesy, “The Prayer” definitely works, if you pray it sincerely (“God remove them from my life if they aren’t from you”).

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The Conclusion & Solution: Wait For God’s Timing

The solution to avoid being unequally yoked is to wait for God’s timing. Being in a long season of singleness is difficult, but it is worth it when you find someone. I was recently encouraged by someone I know who was single for a very long time, but they recently got married and told me that it was well worth the long wait.

And if you feel that you are called to a life of singleness, pray fervently about it. I recognize that not everyone is called to be married, as there are people in the Bible (namely Jeremiah) who are called to be single. Ask God to lead you and guide you in that area; carry everything to Him in prayer!

Moreover, for those waiting, DO NOT idolize marriage. Marriage is not the solution to all your problems. Do not fall into the sin of wanting a God-centered marriage more than you want a relationship with God.

Lastly, don’t lose hope, as you are not alone in your wait. Not only is God with you, but you have brothers and sisters in Christ, myself being one of them, who are on this journey with you. So keep your eyes set on God, and wait for His timing. You will NEVER regret waiting on God.

Thank you for reading, and always remember to stay vigilant!